I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
