Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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