Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
