Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
