I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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