I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
