So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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