Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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