Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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