your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
