last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
