So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
