i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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