Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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