So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Let's get the cat blown out
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
