i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
