She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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