i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
