Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
