He is such a slut. More and more my type.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
