smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
