I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
