dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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