I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She bit a glass in half.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
