I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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