Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
