I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
