Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
