I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
