So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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