Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
