im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
