Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
