It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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