I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
