i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
