I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
