end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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