Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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