Only a mothe r could love this liver
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
