last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
