chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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