how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
