How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
