PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She's the barista slut.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
