can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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