Soap is not a condiment
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
