you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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