Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Randomize
