I accidentally had phone sex last night
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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