I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
