stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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